“you going to the books show?”
“yeah”
“got an extra ticket?”
“no actually, i’m looking for one too”
“well I got seniority…” he said with a smile, and I told him,
“well I just drove nine hours to see this”
And his smile changed to disbelief. I showed him my drivers license and student card, and he said,
“I might have to let you get that ticket”

“Can I offer one of you a lot of money for your ticket?”
“No, sorry..” they said, avoiding eye contact.
“Do you have any extra tickets?”
“Sorry dude”
“No, sorry”
“Why don’t you see if there is an open door somewhere?”
“I was thinking about that actually…”
The back of the building was cold. The rain splashed in puddles. The filthy chain-linked gate was closed but the lock broken. Pushing through, I made it to the garbage filled lot, no obvious way in. Down some stairs to a locked door. Back around a corner a dead end. Up another set of stairs and a long cold hallway. Unmarked doors. Pick one, peek in, move on. At the end of the hallway a table, with drinks, and someone there, act natural. Keep walking, turn right, around a screen, I’m onstage. Act natural, walk down the steps and into the crowd.
Jose Gonzalez setting up was painful to watch. Alone with two microphones and a seat, he locked them in and positioned himself between their sprawling metal branches. It looked lonely. He sang with believable feeling, it hurt to watch, I cried through my favorite songs. The books covered the Cello song by Nick Drake. I left floating.

in silence
i sit, you lie there,
no movement, i watch you,
no stirring, no thinking,
just safety, just blankets, just eyes, just wishes
and sadness that waking and leaving,
is coming

it’s late
so late I can feel the air moving.
lying, watching the stars,
waiting for a response
but it’s too late
too late for the message’s been sent
they’ve already peaked,
and are fading from me.
The days are growing longer and the stars
they shine less brightly now, I watch, hoping
but they’re on their way out,
fading,
and I can do nothing,
but squint, and watch them go

i want back to the open road,
to its lonliness, to its smells,
i want to nod my head to strangers,
i want big women in diners to call me hon,
i want to watch the sky change cause thats all you can do,
and sit in comfortable silence with someone for hours.

little supernovae pierce the darkness around me, little halos strung round the room, orbs of glowing mist.
sitting alone, surrounded, popping and shimmering, one for each of my blessings, one for each of my tears, together i’ll wrap them around me, surround me for the rest of my years.